This post was supposed to be about how I spent last night baby-sitting for the first time in 15 years. Except I ended up having too much to drink while baby-sitting so I’m having a little trouble putting the details together.
I think I had three, maybe four, glasses of wine last night but I can’t remember. My friends Dave and Cris came over with their five-month-old baby Parker. I volunteered to look after Parker so that Dave and Cris could have a night to themselves.
It was the first time they had left Parker alone since he was born. For some reason, they thought I was responsible and trust-worthy enough for the job. It probably had something to do with the fact that I kept bragging about how I baby-sat through high school and practically raised my four younger sisters and brother.
That last part is a bit of a stretch. I didn’t actually *raise* them but I did baby-sit my two youngest sisters once and a while. It was fun. We’d make up stories and play games. My favourite game was, "Let’s pretend I’m a teenage mother and you’re my children." I’d take them to the mall and make them call me "mom."
I was a little nervous about baby-sitting Parker last night. I wasn’t sure I’d know what to do if he cried or needed his diapers changed. Apparently, this is the last thing you should say to a new parent the day before you baby-sit his child.
Dave: What are you talking about? This whole thing was your idea. You told me you were an awesome baby sitter and that you raised your sisters.
Me: I know, I know. It’s just that I’m a little rusty. It’s been more than 15 years.
Dave: You’ll be fine. Cris and I will come over. We’ll all play with Parker for a bit. And then we’ll give him a bath, Cris will feed him and then we’ll put him to bed. Then the three of us can sit around and drink some wine before we go out. It’ll be fun.
Me: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You need to give him a bath? In my tub? You never mentioned that before.
Me: Um….I haven’t cleaned the tub in, like, a month.
Dave: That’s disgusting. So you bathe in a dirty tub?
Me: No. I don’t take baths. I don’t even have a tub stopper.
Dave: You’re telling me that you don’t fill the tub with bubbles and light candles and play soft music? You’re the first girl I’ve ever met that doesn’t do that.
Me: I don’t want to clean the tub all the time just so that I can have a bath. It’s too much work. I’d rather just lie on the couch or something.
Dave: You have got to be the laziest person I have ever met.
Anyway, it turned out neither of us had anything to worry about. I cleaned the tub and Parker was a breeze. It would have gone even more smoothly if Dave hadn’t insisted on opening the second bottle of wine last night. I don’t drink very often so when I do, it hits me like a ton of bricks.
After we put Parker to bed, Dave and Cris went out and I settled in to watch a movie. But I was too distracted to really enjoy it. I kept thinking, "Oh my god. There’s a baby in my bedroom. Please, please, please don’t let anything happen to him."
At the same time, I kept thinking how nice it was to have a baby in my apartment. It made me feel warm and fuzzy. Or maybe it was the alcohol…