Saturday, May 14, 2005

I am never drinking again (originally titled “Adventures in baby-sitting”)

This post was supposed to be about how I spent last night baby-sitting for the first time in 15 years. Except I ended up having too much to drink while baby-sitting so I’m having a little trouble putting the details together.

I think I had three, maybe four, glasses of wine last night but I can’t remember. My friends Dave and Cris came over with their five-month-old baby Parker. I volunteered to look after Parker so that Dave and Cris could have a night to themselves.

It was the first time they had left Parker alone since he was born. For some reason, they thought I was responsible and trust-worthy enough for the job. It probably had something to do with the fact that I kept bragging about how I baby-sat through high school and practically raised my four younger sisters and brother.

That last part is a bit of a stretch. I didn’t actually *raise* them but I did baby-sit my two youngest sisters once and a while. It was fun. We’d make up stories and play games. My favourite game was, "Let’s pretend I’m a teenage mother and you’re my children." I’d take them to the mall and make them call me "mom."

I was a little nervous about baby-sitting Parker last night. I wasn’t sure I’d know what to do if he cried or needed his diapers changed. Apparently, this is the last thing you should say to a new parent the day before you baby-sit his child.

Dave: What are you talking about? This whole thing was your idea. You told me you were an awesome baby sitter and that you raised your sisters.

Me: I know, I know. It’s just that I’m a little rusty. It’s been more than 15 years.

Dave: You’ll be fine. Cris and I will come over. We’ll all play with Parker for a bit. And then we’ll give him a bath, Cris will feed him and then we’ll put him to bed. Then the three of us can sit around and drink some wine before we go out. It’ll be fun.

Me: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You need to give him a bath? In my tub? You never mentioned that before.

Dave: What?

Me: Um….I haven’t cleaned the tub in, like, a month.

Dave: That’s disgusting. So you bathe in a dirty tub?

Me: No. I don’t take baths. I don’t even have a tub stopper.

Dave: You’re telling me that you don’t fill the tub with bubbles and light candles and play soft music? You’re the first girl I’ve ever met that doesn’t do that.

Me: I don’t want to clean the tub all the time just so that I can have a bath. It’s too much work. I’d rather just lie on the couch or something.

Dave: You have got to be the laziest person I have ever met.

Anyway, it turned out neither of us had anything to worry about. I cleaned the tub and Parker was a breeze. It would have gone even more smoothly if Dave hadn’t insisted on opening the second bottle of wine last night. I don’t drink very often so when I do, it hits me like a ton of bricks.

After we put Parker to bed, Dave and Cris went out and I settled in to watch a movie. But I was too distracted to really enjoy it. I kept thinking, "Oh my god. There’s a baby in my bedroom. Please, please, please don’t let anything happen to him."

At the same time, I kept thinking how nice it was to have a baby in my apartment. It made me feel warm and fuzzy. Or maybe it was the alcohol…


Brian Lavery said...

You are so funny Marchildon - great post!
And you really are lazy aren't you?


Carrie said...

Ok you're a saint. That's all I have to say. lol

Woman, once we're old enough to get real jobs we don't have to do that *&^% anymore - didn't anyone tell you that??? ;-)

Kidding!!! I do that for my siblings all the time. Thank God the kids are older now. When they were babies I was freaking just like you. Wish *I* had thought to drink to take the edge off LOL

Anonymous said...

Ok world, I have a few comments about this post! As Sarah's younger sister and reigning baby-sitting queen, I need to let you all know that Sarah did not babysit anyone, let alone our sisters! I however, spent the majority of my high school days babysitting my sisters and other neighborhood kids. I'm glad Parker made it out alive!

Sarah said...

Actually, the best part about baby-sitting is that you get to have fun with the kids, spoil them rotten and when you've had enough, you just hand them back to the parents. All the joy without the responsibility. Plus, now we're old enough to drink and baby-sit ;)

As for the "anonymous" post above...ahem, "Jane Marchildon." I'm tired of having this "I baby-sat more than you" debate. You're so full of shit! For the record, I baby-sat a lot in high school. You're just jealous because I was the most popular baby-sitter on the block and stole your clients away from you :)

If you'd like to debate this further, you have my phone number.


K said...

There's nothing like sibling (and business) rivalry. Who knew you were a hard-nosed business type?

(Great new panoramic shot at the top of the page!)


Anonymous said...

If anyone else in the family cares to comment about who babysat more, please leave your comments. Nice try Sarah!

Owing Nolan said...

Having never had the opportunity to experience first hand the babysitting skills of either of the Marchildon sisters, I am not in a position to weigh in on whether Sarah's "Intoxicated" (or is that Intoxicating??) babysitting services were either superior in nature or a greater revenue producer than the services rendered by Jane.

However, what I do know is that Jane is a young lady of impeccable morals and principles. As such, she would never even consider mixing alcohol with the important responsibility of looking after a young child who had been entrusted in her care.

I am shocked that her older sister would even attempt to glorify this irresponsible and potentially dangerous practice!

Definitely siding with Jane in this edition of the Marchildon Family Feud,

I remain,

Richard Dawson

Sarah said...

Richard, a friend of Jane's I presume?

I have to agree that alcohol and baby-sitting do not mix. But the baby's parents brought the booze and practically poured it down my throat. I have the tolerance of a 14-year-old drinking her first beer.

However, I can reassure you that my baby-sitting skills, drunk or sober, are far greater than my sister Jane's.


Bill Doskoch said...

For some suicidal reason, I feel compelled to ask this:

Do you have a picture of yourself with the not-quite-up-to-expectations new 'do and looking hung over like death?

Bill D.
Morbidly curious in T.O.

Sarah said...

Ha! Watch cream can be used as a lethal weapon.

I do have a picture of me mildly intoxicated, with bad hair, holding the baby, though. I will try to post at lunch today :)


Kathryn said...

Sarah - what's the going rate for babysitters these days? hee hee

Anonymous said...

you're a drunk babysitter?! that's pretty weird and scary...can't wait to see the!

wet ones said...
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Anonymous said...
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the bride/aka black mamba said...
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babysittingsupastar said...

I'm not sure who "Richard Dawson" is but I definitely have to give him/her some mad props for defending my babysitting honor! I am a great babysitter and obviously my babysitting experience paid off since I now work with kids full-time. Not too worry Sarah, I will be calling you soon to hash out this whole babysitting thing soon. Come on Claire and Hil, back me up!

B said...


The name "Richard Dawson" sounded kind of familiar to me, but I couldn't quite place it - so I decided to google it. As it turns out, Richard Dawson was the original host of the television game show Family Feud. He was the creepy British guy who insisted on kissing each of the female contestants on the show. So, in signing off as "Richard Dawson", I would suspect that the author of the original post was simply referring back to his/her mention of Family Feud found in the previous section of the posting.