Thursday, January 06, 2005

Dreaming of a fromage-free year



As far as stupid trends go, 2004 was filled with some of the worst. Here’s my top five list of the crap that is, like, so last year. Feel free to add your own.

1. Useless diets: Let’s see, there was the Atkins’ diet, the South Beach diet, the Dr. Phil diet, the Eat Like a French Girl diet, the salmon diet, and the high carb, no carb, red wine, macrobiotic, grapefruit diets too. Enough! Let me spell it out for you. If you consume more calories than you burn, you will gain weight. If you burn more calories than you consume, you will lose weight. Translation: eat smaller portions and exercise more. There. I’ve just saved you $30 and destroyed the entire diet book industry in one sentence.

2. Loser celebrities: So there’s this guy. This dorky civil engineering student at Berkley. On a lark, he decides to audition for American Idol (see photo above). He chooses to do a 90-second rendition of Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs.” Except he yells instead of sings (and somehow still manages to be off key). His hip gyrations are stiff and awkward. After a tongue-lashing by the judges, the guy responds with an earnest “I gave it my best.” Yes, it was hilarious. But the fact he was offered a record deal and even sang at a Blue Jays game wasn’t. Save the real goodies for the people who deserve it. Otherwise, we’ll have a lot more William Hungs and Paris Hiltons out there. And that’s not a world I want to live in.

3. Homely fashion: Ugg boots are just plain ugly and ponchos should have stayed mothballed in the ’70s. It’s fine to follow fashion trends, but people, please don’t forget to have a mind of your own. Ponchos are flattering on no one. They make you look pregnant. Wearing Ugg boots makes you look like a moron. We all know the only reason you’re wearing them at all is because status-obsessed celebrities have decided they were cool. If celebrities didn’t wear them, I’d bet you’d think they were ugly too. No more ugly fashion trends in 2005, please.

4. Half-assed reality TV: It’s no secret that I love reality TV. I’m addicted to the Amazing Race. But I don’t love how we’re bombarded with tired, lame repeats and knock-offs of shows that jumped the shark two years ago. No more Survivor. No more Bachelor. Please. Either make new shows or don’t bother at all. And if they shelf Arrested Development to make room for Big Brother Infinity, I’m going to cancel my cable.

5. General stupidity: Religious fundamentalism, widespread homophobia, George W. Bush, people who voted for George W. Bush, MTV programming, the carb craze. All dominated 2004. Seriously people, we’re supposed to be evolving, not regressing. Or was “The Regression of Species” the book Darwin forgot to write? We’re so much better than this. Posted by Hello

4 comments:

Royal*T said...

Sarah, once again you've hit the nail on the head! But one thing jumped out at me - you lashing out against the Bachelor??? Does that include the Bachelorette? You can't tell me you're not excited about seeing Jen whittle her way through a whole bunch o' hotties!

Oh, and the poncho comment? Ouch. Although, there is that black one I have that is a little too big...remember that day I put Heather's yoga ball under it that made me look 9 months pregnant and walked into the ghetto and said "Oh hey everyone, I have an announcement to make..."? Now that was funny. I have stopped wearing them too, but I still think they were awesome.

Sarah said...

Tamara,

Note, I said I was sick of the Bachelor. Not the Bachelorette. Still like watching one girl weed through 25 guys. If only life were like that :)

As for the poncho. Sorry, I can't help it. They're awful. But you look cute no matter what you wear. As for me, the last time I wore a poncho was probably 1979. And I didn't know any better because my mom was still dressing me back then.

-- Sarah

Anonymous said...

fromage free year, eh? well, you've already started the year off wrong! i was packing today, going through my old room, and came across an $0.80 stamp as well as a wildcat tatoo...next drawer, i found 2 soaps, and a half-eaten chocolate bar!!!! sarah! shall i mail you your presents that you've obviously forgotten? i will give the stamp to my bf so she can mail me a letter! by the way, i can't wait for the bachelorette to start on monday night!!!!! i will be the next one!

Sarah said...

Hello Jane Marchildon,

Why do you keep posting as "anonymous?" I know who you are. As for the presents, I forgot all the stuff I left in the drawers. Seriously. And what exactly does this have to do with fromage?

-- Sarah