Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Extreme Makeover: Stephen Harper Edition

It’s going to take a lot more than flipping a few burgers on the barbecue circuit and going on the South Beach Diet to solve Stephen Harper’s image problem.

For starters, he might want to reconsider his stand on the whole gay marriage thing. That alone would move Mr. Knuckle Dragger a few rungs up the evolutionary ladder.

He might also want to practice smiling in front of a mirror until he nails a more natural looking grin. Anger management lessons would help control his tendency to snarl and snap in scrums. A few dance classes might make him less stiff and wooden.

If he thinks standing around in khakis and a golf shirt with the top button unbuttoned ("I’m just a regular bland guy like you") while flipping a token burger, grinning maniacally at the popping flashbulbs will somehow make us warm up to him, he seriously underestimates our intelligence.

I’m no political analyst. But I’m Canadian. I vote. And I care about this country. So I figure that entitles me to an opinion. My opinion is this: The best way Stephen Harper can boost his popularity is by changing his policies, not his image.