Friday, April 01, 2005

Objects in mirror are larger than they appear

Does my butt look big? It's a rhetorical question. Don’t answer it.

My clothes -- my jeans especially -- are getting tighter and tighter these days. At first I blamed the dryer. You know how when you pull your clothes out of the dryer and they’re really tight at first but then they loosen up after a while?

Well, mine have stopped loosening up. Even after a couple of days, I’m still walking around feeling like my clothes are fresh out of the dryer. Stuff that was once “form fitting” is now just plain “tight.” Bending at the knees or lifting my arms above my head is no longer an option.

I stopped blaming the dryer and started blaming my foot instead. My foot injury means that I can’t do as much exercise as I used to. No running, no cycling (other than to get to work and back) and no long walks.

While I cut back on my training, I didn’t cut back on my calories. So I’m still eating as if I were training for an Ironman. Which means I’m taking in more calories than I’m burning. Which is why people are starting to mistake me for J-Lo from behind.

So I’ve decided a few lifestyle changes are in order before they start mistaking me for Kirstie Alley:
  • Stop eating waffles smothered in nutella and whipped cream for breakfast
  • Whilst watching TV, try to eat less chips, popcorn and chocolate.
  • Switch to using milk, instead of cream, in tea (and maybe start using only one teaspoon of sugar instead of three)
  • Eat more salads and fewer chocolate croissants
  • Even though it’s made with with milk, ice cream is not health food
  • Stop drinking alcohol. Too much alcohol makes people do stupid things, like ordering poutine at 3 a.m.

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

your butt looks pretty good to me

Sarah said...

Um...thanks?

Sarah

Anonymous said...

No. -K

Bill Doskoch said...

It's a well-known fact in the male fraternity that when a woman asks, "Does my (body part) look (too fat/too thin/whatever)?," there is no possible correct answer.

It's a minefield, a death trap, and no matter what a guy says, his head will be rolling on the floor by his feet mere seconds after responding.

But I'm more than 5,000 km away, so I think that allows me to ask the following in relative safety: Do you have a 'before' picture? :)

If you really want an answer, we need some type of benchmark (so to speak).

While you probably don't need to hear this, given your new commitment to a more slender caboose, a fantastic place in T.O. for chocolate croissants is Clafouti, on Queen West across from Trinity Bellwoods Park.

thestraightpoop said...

Sarah, I WISH my bum was that size. Having said that, I know exactly where you are coming from and a ton of compliments will not make the pants more comfortable!

I am really tired of having extra junk in my trunk and am considering low carb again (okay not hard core Atkins or South Beach but cutting out SO MUCH bread, rice and pasta that I have let slip back in to my diet...). Especially because of our European trip this summer where I will live on bread, cheese and wine!

I personally think your bum looks great. It's a nice bum - just the right shape. It's what we in my circle call a "bubble bum", also known as a Ukrainian bum. Means it's just nice and round and shapely. NOT fat. NOT big. Just right. And, so much better than a flat one.

So love it, work it, wiggle it!

Anonymous said...

Sarah -

This must be an April Fool's Day posting, right?

Brian Lavery said...

Sarah,
That weight gain always happens after Ironman for me. I continue to take in the same calories but don't go out for those ridiculous 6 hour bike rides anymore. The 1 hour swim workouts just don't burn the same calories no matter how much they hurt.
Quit drinking? That's a good one. ha ha
But you probably should look at your ice cream problem.
Seriously though, if you want to get back in shape get into the weight room.
No, it's not going to help your swimming and it will probably make it worse because you'll turn into a sinker. But you will see a change in your physique similar to the change that happened with Ironman training.
All the cool triathletes are hanging out at the Y weight room.
Brian.

Anonymous said...

You want an honest answer,of course your butt's gotten bigger. Dugh!!??!!
Calories consumed vs calories burned. It's just that simple.
Now get off your ass and do something about that foot of yours(like maybe see a foot specialist?!)

Anonymous said...

Oops. Sorry. Didn't know you'd seen a podiatrist. I hadn't read your previous posts.

Alan said...

i wouldnt change a thing. guys love that look. i know i do. that is why j-lo is so popular? it's not her acting.

nothing like a butt shot to get male readership!

Sarah said...

Oh my God! I have been laughing out loud while reading everyone's comments. Too funny. Who knew that writing about my butt would get this kind of reaction. Especially when the Pope is dead and all!

To address the comments:
1. Bill...Yes, I have a "before" picture. Check out my profile picture. That's me in the middle with the brown hair and the FLAT ass.

I'll be in Toronto in May so I will for sure be getting some of those chocolate croissants after the swim meet. And no, I really don't want an answer to the question :)

2. Tamara: I'm sitting here talking to you at your apartment right now so I don't need to answer your comment.

3. Brian: I am going to the gym. I don't know why you think it will hurt my swimming, it actually helps it.

4. No, this is NOT an April Fool's joke.

5. Alan...I actually kind of like my bubble butt...it's my best ASSet. Ha! Cheesy..

Sarah

Anonymous said...

Maybe it is time to move to yoga pants: not only are they quite scrumptious, but their construction would improve your circulation. Perhaps a well fitting pair of jeans is certainly a good reason for a gentleman to hold open a door or wait on an elevator, but there comes a point where they become so tight your feet become gangrenous. That is somewhat less attractive; at least to me. Even so, I think what you proudly possess is quite appealing just as it is now.

Sarah said...

Yoga pants? In public? I don't want to be a stereotypical Vancouver girl! That's all they wear.

I'd rather amputate. Thanks ;)

Sarah

taminator1969 said...

You make it sound like getting mistaken for J.Lo is a bad thing.

I have Sir Mixalot's Baby Got Back playing in iTunes as I write this ...

:)

Anonymous said...

perhaps it should be Commando Sarah?

thestraightpoop said...

I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung

paulv said...

My goodness--I didn't know you ran this kind of a blog!

Only your extreme youth could explain your seeming insecurity about your "butt" (I'm never quite sure what's the best word for that body-part--it's rather "context-sensitive"!).

I say "seeming" because your pose in the pic speaks more eloquently about your true attitude--which is also the right one. Congratulations for that too!

Sarah said...

"Seeming" insecurity is the key here. I'm not insecure about my butt. I'm making fun of myself...

Sarah :)

Anonymous said...

Sarah, your ass looks great - sure your clothes may be fitting tighter but who's to say that a little extra 'junk in your trunk' is a bad thing!? Not me!!!!

Joey said...

To borrow a quote from Obi-Wan Kenobi:

"I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if thousands of teenage boys' voices suddenly cried out in self-love and soon afterwards, silence."

Anonymous said...

Why don't you take all the enjoyment out of your life and start smoking as well as this will curb your appetite and then you can be really skinny, like the girls on Friends. I know you'd never take "stupid" over "fat", so unless you're going to shake it, get your ass off the internet!

Kathryn said...

looks pretty cute (this coming from someone with a genetically-flat-and-wish-it-wasn't ass) =)

Sarah said...

Thanks :) Okay, time to get my butt off the internet and on the couch!

Sarah

Anonymous said...

hey, it is a pretty derrier... and you are a riot for posting such things...it is all the rage to have a bubble butt.. just ask your swim team buddies!

Anonymous said...

Your ass looks amazing. I wish it was spread across my face right now.

BigDude said...

Oh my... nice. Really Nice!