Monday, October 03, 2005

Grape-Nuts is for lovers

Most of the time I think men and women are more similar than they are different. But every once in a while a guy will reveal something so stupefying or baffling that I start to think maybe men really are from Mars.

Take the issue of breakfast food. A benign topic of conversation that bridges the gender gap, right? Wrong. I didn’t realize cereal was so controversial until a group of guys ganged up on me at a party and berated me for liking Grape-Nuts.

"No wonder you’re single," said one guy. "You cannot serve a guy Grape-Nuts for breakfast. No guy under the age of 75 eats Grape-Nuts."

Thinking this was merely the uninformed opinion of a drunken moron, I grabbed another guy at the party and pulled him in for an informal focus group.

"Oh my god! Grape-Nuts?" said the other guy. "What are you? A senior citizen or something? That is not sexy. You’ve got to serve a guy real food. Like eggs and bacon."

The laughter grew louder as more guys jumped in to mock my breakfast cereal of choice. I still don’t understand what was so funny.

I love Grape-Nuts. They stay crunchy in milk for a long time. They’re delicious. They’re not too sweet. They’re good for you. They come in a small box so they don’t go stale before you can finish them. What the hell is so funny about that?

There must be guys under the age of 35 who also like Grape-Nuts. Someone, please, back me up!

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