Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Brief adventures in internet dating

Two weeks ago, I did something I’ve never done before – I posted a personal ad on Lava Life.

Internet dating has come a long way since its infancy when it was considered a last resort for desperate losers with no social skills. Now everyone is logging on, hanging out and hooking up.

My cousin met her future husband on-line, and many of my gay friends are skipping the bar scene and heading straight to gaydar instead.

I figured, what the hell? I’ll try anything once. So on a dark Sunday night, I logged on, uploaded a picture of myself, wrote a few clever lines, and sat back and waited for Mr. Right to magically appear in my in-box.

Almost immediately, the men started rolling in. Some seemed nice. A few seemed not so nice. Many were over 50. One was a dead-ringer for Fabio.

As I clicked through each of their profiles, it became clear I was going to have to meet them face-to-face to get a sense of who they really were.

And then it hit me. I suddenly realized I don’t want to go out on lots of dates with lots of guys. It’s like an endless string of job interviews. No, it’s worse than a job interview. Every weekend, I’d be telling some guy my life story, over and over again.

So after two short weeks in cyber space, I deleted my profile from Lava Life. All of my best relationships have happened by accident. Usually, I was friends with a guy. There’d be no attraction and we’d get to know each other on a platonic level. Then one day, I’d suddenly realize I was hanging out with the most amazing guy I’d ever met and then blamo! we’d start dating.

My brief adventures in internet dating also reminded me that I like my life just the way it is. If the right guy comes along, that’s great. But I’m in no rush to go out and find him. I’m just going to let it happen by accident.


Anonymous said...

Sarah, this one made me smile a lot and even get a tear in my eye. When you do get the guy (and you will) he will be incredibly lucky. I as always, wish you the very best. I like your approach to this...

Your secret admirer (T)!


Sarah said...

Huh? This story put a tear in your eye? From laughing I hope. You are so sentimental. Glad I have at least one secret admirer. Though not really so secret because I know who you are, Tamara.

I wish I really did have a secret admirer. That would be so cool!


Sarah said...

Or wait! Was that "T" Teresa? Maybe I really do have a secret admirer. So exciting!

The Black Rose said...

You have more than one secret admirer...

Sarah said...


-- Sarah

Anonymous said...

Many more. Now all you have to do is figure out who we are.

Sarah said...

But then it wouldn't be a secret anymore.


Anonymous said...

Trying to figure out the secret is the fun part! You don't have to be successful at it.

Anonymous said...

Check out the NYT story 'E-Dating Bubble Springs a Leak' (Dec. 12 - note: available for free until Dec. 18; must be registered with nytimes.com).

URL: http://www.nytimes.com/2004/12/12/fashion/12DATE.html

I tried LL myself. Dated one woman for a while, met some nice people but felt no 'click,' had a few excruciating evenings and ran into one wacko -- which outperforms the real world, come to think of it. :)

What I found was you can't predict chemistry from either e-mail or even the phone. In one case, I got on famously by e-mail with one woman, but when we approached on the street, I almost immediately thought, "Oh oh: This isn't going to work."

Ultimately, I found the consumerist aspect of it to be a drag. People think they'll be able to grab a relationship off the shelf the way they would a can of peas in a supermarket. Life ain't like that.

Bill D.

Sarah said...

Agreed. Chemistry is a funny thing. It's absolutely vital yet it's so elusive. And it can never be forced. So if it happens, it happens. If not, I'm not going to sweat it.

-- Sarah